1. |
Not a Fucking Mermaid
02:34
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On this ship for weeks now
And we haven't crashed
Didn't think the beard and nose
Would end up being trash
Now it's clear I'm not a man
Now I'm speaking too
Now that I have found my voice
I need to tell the crew:
Chorus:
I'm not a fucking mermaid
I'm not a fucking girl
I'm not a fucking mermaid
Don't want to be part of your world
I'm not a fucking mermaid
I'm not a fucking guy
I'm not a fucking mermaid
I'm done living this lie
Not a woman, not a man
You can call me Jim
Teal’s my favorite color
No, I’m not a “him”
I'm the one who throws the knives
The one who gets the oranges
Pronouns: they and elle
Not she, he, or his
Chorus
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2. |
Izzy the Spewer
01:52
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Let me tell you a story
About Izzy the Spewer
The one time that he ran the ship
He left smelling like a sewer
Choppy seas and shaky knees
Spewin’ out his guts
Never will try that again
Or else he’ll have gone nuts
Yes this is the story
Of Izzy the Spewer
The one time that he ran the ship
He left smelling like a sewer
Captain left Izzy in charge
On one stormy night
His stomach couldn’t handle it
He couldn’t captain right
Oh this is the story
Of Izzy the Spewer
The one time that he ran the ship
He left smelling like a sewer
Spewin’ out his guts
We thought he’d gone nuts
(Repeat and add Chorus)
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3. |
Fine Things
02:55
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“You wear fine things well,” he said
Before he went away
I thought he felt the same as me
Thinking of that day
I guess I do clean up all right
But next to him, I fail
Wish I told him how I felt
Before that ship set sail
Chorus:
Fine things
Like silk and tea and biscuits
Gold rings
Scented soap for misfits
The finest things in life are free
If you know where to look
The best adventure’s waiting
And not inside a book
From our morning breakfast
To our fuckery
Stede had opened up my eyes
And found the realest me
He showed me all the ways
To be a gentleman
But I would give all that up
If he kissed me again
Chorus
The kraken has arisen
Ever since he left
Can’t be Edward anymore
He left me a wreck
On my darkest nights I think
Wishing on a whim
I’d go back and tell that man
The finest thing is him
Chorus (repeat)
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4. |
Lighthouse
01:37
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I’ve lost my way
Don’t know who I am
Blackbeard or Ed
A monster or man
I’m drowning down here
The dark inky depths
I’m like a siren
Just saving my breath
Chorus:
I need a lighthouse
A light in the dark
I need a fire
And not just a spark
I need a guide
To bring me back home
I need an anchor,
To not feel alone
I’ve been a pirate
For many a year
A kraken, a monster
Who all men would fear
Along the way
I lost who I was
I need to find
Who I am now because
Chorus
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5. |
Absolutely Necessary
01:33
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Buttons: Oh Captain, my Captain
It seems we’ve run aground.
There’s open land for miles
And there’s nobody around.
We need to think about eating the crew
And Lucius’ looking zesty.
Stede: We’re not eating anyone!
Buttons: Of course! Till absolutely necessary!
Chorus:
Yes, it’s absolutely necessary
Only absolutely necessary
We won’t be eating the crew,
Until it’s absolutely necessary.
Verse 2:
Buttons: I feel the hunger closing in
And everyone’s looking hearty.
I fear the feast which will begin,
Just like the Donner Party.
Oh, Captain, just a little taste
Let’s roast Roach with rosemary!
Stede: We’re not eating Roach!
Buttons: Unless it's absolutely necessary!
Chorus:
Yes, it’s absolutely necessary
Only absolutely necessary
We won’t be eating the crew,
Until it’s absolutely necessary.
Verse 3:
Stede: Buttons, please I must insist.
Go and eat some lunch!
We have food for weeks, we will persist,
No cannibalism brunch!
Now stop side eyeing Mr. Spriggs,
You’re looking quite contrary.
Buttons: I’ve started eating Jim’s old wigs,
It’s absolutely necessary!
Chorus:
Yes, it’s absolutely necessary
Only absolutely necessary
We won’t be eating the crew,
Until it’s absolutely necessary.
Yes, it’s absolutely necessary
Only absolutely necessary
We won’t be eating the crew,
Until it’s absolutely necessary.
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6. |
Run Through
02:45
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I’ve been stabbed and pinched by crabs
You won’t kill me, mate
It’s me and you, so run me through
Don’t you hesitate
Chorus:
For all the art that we could start
From fuckery to death
To stay alive, to live and thrive
And treasure every breath
We’ve become what we have done
I taught you deadly art
What I missed when we first kissed:
You ran me through the heart
I know now that I knew how
To aim the sword just right
To go through guts and give no fucks
And heal up through the night
Chorus
But for me, no remedy
Can cure this hole inside
I know Stede is what I need
So Edward doesn't have to hide
Chorus
You ran me through and then I knew
Sure as the moon's above
What I most want, and what I caught
Was you and your true love
Chorusx2
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7. |
Not Bloody Optimal
01:16
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Hanging from the ship’s main mast
Not bloody optimal
Seeing that the fog won’t last
Not bloody optimal
A treasure hunt, but don’t find shit
Not bloody optimal
Izzy don’t know when to quit
Not bloody optimal
Find a snake in the grass
Not bloody optimal
Another ship kicking our ass
Not bloody optimal
Mutiny aboard the ship
Not bloody optimal
Killing Karl with a whip (Pilpel meows in the background)
Not bloody optimal
PTSD from Badminton
Not bloody optimal
Falling for your co-captain
Not bloody optimal
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8. |
Say You Will
01:30
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Say you will come back to me
Wait for me, don’t back out now
Say we will be together
Don’t forget you made a vow
Say you will meet me there
When night falls, at the dock
I’ll be waiting with a boat
Until you come to that spot
Say you will…
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9. |
The Kraken
01:46
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(Spoken:)
There he is. Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard. Not Edward.
Edward better watch his fսckin' step.
You’ve released me from my cage
The kraken’s made of hate and rage
Take that book, rip out a page
It shows the kraken’s Blackbeard
Everyone will fear me now
Think not when or why or how
The play is ending, take a bow
The kraken’s me, it’s Blackbeard
You fucked with me for the last time
I thought that you would- could be mine
You put just one toe out of line
He’ll make you eat it, Blackbeard
There’s no room for Edward here
Feel your death as it draws near
You should be filled up with fear
For my name is Blackbeard
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10. |
Bird Guy
01:57
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Intro:
(Pure Tone Ooooooooooo)
I am the bird guy, I worship the sea
My soul, my love, Karl is he.
(Pure Tone Ooooooooo)
I am the bird guy, now Blackbeard sees
Dancing in the moonbeams, naked and free
But Karl’s been slain, it should have been me
I curse his slayer, a hex upon thee!
A Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex
Hex upon theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(Pure Tone Ooooooooooo)
I am the bird guy, Karl sits upon me
I yearn to make sweet love to the sea
Sweet Livvie’s a widow, she grieves for thee.
I swear I’ll put a hex upon thee!
A Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex
Hex upon theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Karl
Livvie
Separate and free
Now they’re flying through the
Depths of the sea
I hex. THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I hex thee! I hex thee! I hex thee! I hex thee! I hex thee…
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Totally Knuts Fremont, California
I am a nonbinary wizard who writes inclusive wizard rock! And also other nerdy stuff. Logo by Brenna Doe.
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